The Way We Were

These little men are amazing, and I enjoy hanging out with them, but as of late, I have realized that motherhood has put a serious cramp in my style. There are so many things I used to be able to do that I am no longer able to accomplish without an entourage. Not that I would trade my entourage, but here are a few of the things I am no longer able to do (if you're a mom or dad and have a few items to add, please feel free).

• Urinate in privacy. My current bathroom needs are either postponed until nap time, or I sit upon the throne while Ryan attempts to grab the plunger (which I always wonder why I never think to take it and put it in the other bathroom BEFORE it becomes necessary to open the door to triplet paradise), James tries to unroll the toilet tissue, and Michael attempts to dig through the trash for treasure (he might just have more in common with his Grandpa Robin than just his eyes now that I think of it).
• Drink, especially my version of crack, Diet Coke. I don't know why children think if Mommy has it, then she should share. I suffered through a hot two weeks in France refusing to share water bottles with other people due to the threat of backwash. While I am not as uptight as I used to be, 11 month olds do a heck of a lot of backwash.
• Eat. After I feed the kids breakfast, I try and surreptitiously consume a pop tart. No can do. All food requires me to pay a triplet toll. It's like feeding the pigeons in the park. One whiff of food and you get swarmed.
• Use my computer. You may have noticed a long gap between my posts in May. This is because any and all opening of laptop computers is accompanied by slapping keys, attempts to wrench the screen off of the computer, and general interest that can not be assuaged. I'm not sure how Kristi Hutton is able to do laptop work - maybe it's the difference between boys and girls or four hands versus six.
• Talk on the phone. All phone conversations must either be quick or consist of putting the person on speaker phone, shoving the phone down my shirt, and hoping that the kids don't notice I'm not really talking to them. If I attempt to hold said "black box" to my ear, it's like the hottest chick at the party swatting away the boys hands. (Thanks little men for giving your mommy that elusive experience).
• Walk freely about the house. There is no such thing as running quick to go get something. As soon as you are on the move, the trail ride starts. I swear, if the pioneers had my kids to get those wagon trains started, the west would have been settled a lot faster.
• Read anything other than board books. See aforementioned six hands.
• Use the remote control, or should I say the Newhouse Boys' "holy grail."
• Watch TV. I used to be able to put on a show that I liked and watch it while the kids played quietly with their toys. I'm pretty sure I've tried to watch the last episode of Criminal Intent (pause to mourn the passing of original L&O) a minimum of six times without ever completing the show, hence I am relegated to rewatching episodes of reality shows that I enjoy - recently Cake Boss and Say Yes to the Dress have been in heavy rotation. The boys current favorite is Yo Gabba Gabba. I let them watch one to three episodes per day dependent upon my exhaustion factor. Or more truthfully, how much I am enjoying watching their little hineys sway to the music. James is a HUGE fan of "Funny Hat."
• Load the dishwasher. I thought Duke was bad. I used to spray him with water to get him to back off my dishwasher. When the dishwasher opens, it's like an invitation to hop on and take a ride on the wild side. Who needs that door to stay attached? What do you mean knives aren't for playing with?
• Open the fridge. The boys are fascinated with the fridge (hopefully this is not an indicator of waistlines to come - sorry for passing on those large and in charge genes). It's like opening the door to Aladdin's magic cave.
• Unload the drier and/or fold clothes. Today Michael threw all of the washrags I had just folded on the floor right under my folding hands. Those kids are quick.

If I tried to create a complete list, I'd be here until the kids woke up in the morning. My grandma has been telling me how she used to sneak candy bars into the bathroom and lock herself in while her 4 kids pounded on the door begging to come in. I have a feelin' those days are just around the corner for yours truly.